Month: November 2004 (Page 1 of 2)

and riding this rollercoaster ride of my twisted mind.

I’ve probably thought of a million things to write here in the last 24 hours. actually, I have a million thoughts in my head at any given moment.

I once wrote that in a letter I wrote to James Herbert, art professor and filmmaker in Athens, GA. yes, there’s a definite R.E.M. connection. that’s a whole other story, but I did find myself picking up an 8mm film camera this morning courtesy of freecycle! a brilliant idea I might add. I must collect my projectors and cameras from the parents’ house next time I’m home.

I had a dream friday night, quite vividly of a snake. a python perhaps…I’m not sure but it definitely was a constrictor type snake. I’m fairly certain python would be it, but I’m no expert on reptiles.

no matter, this python was a beautiful iridescent turquoise & black python. coiled perfectly and simply circling the base of a tree outside my back window. it wasn’t coming after me, but when I went to look closer and put my face to the window, it was facing me in the window.

I think there are two main reasons I had this dream:

1: I watched the newest harry potter movie thanksgiving day with Abbie, and maybe in my dream I was like Harry Potter and speak Parseltongue….although I didn’t speak in the dream.

2: On Friday afternoon, before I left my parents’ house, I had skimmed through a sunday school book my Mom had and happened to glance a quick read of the Creation and Garden of Eden sections.

one dream book I have mentions that dreaming of a snake is symbolic of dreaming of the devil.

my housemate holly thinks I simply need some ‘action’……

I dream in color, I dream in camera angles and most of them can be created into short films. they’d be freaky and hell I’d have quite a collection.

I should’ve gone to sleep ages ago, but I turned the computer back on to write this, got sidetracked to go out in the living room to my bookshelf and after telling Holly my dream, she read tarot cards for me. very interesting…….

I’m really not sure how I can possibly be awake. the last 60 hours or so have been exhausting. when I left arlington approximately 49 hours ago, the station wasn’t broadcasting properly. I returned this evening to find a similiar issue. just after 8pm, I was preparing to go to bed. THAT’s how tired I am! 8pm on a fuckin’ friday night. anyhow, I had this feeling I should check to make sure programming was up and running. of course, black screen, dead air, nada, absolutely nothing. apparently our server computer hates me and nothing I can do to make it like me works.

Actually, it’s more likely that these new upgrades we got last week just aren’t happy. You see there’s two computers that need my love, one in the playback room and the other in my office. They’re supposed to talk to one another, get along with each other. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t make them talk! somehow I see this as a larger metaphor for what’s going on in lauree’s world. it’s some higher cosmic thing telling me that things aren’t going to work out unless clear and simple instructions are included. I just want them to connect a be happy as one working network! it really can’t be that hard, but apparently it is at the moment.

I think part of the reason I can’t sleep, is that the cold weather is arriving. the REALLY cold weather. that and the fact of the new sheets on my bed are blue. in fact, every linen on my bed is blue, even the electric blanket (cranked up to H for HOT aka High) is blue, the pjs I’m wearing are blue….maybe I should choose some warmer colors….

I’m hoping Nick Drake can lull me to sleep…..I started with the ‘Time of No Reply’ cd of rarities, fitting for the previous discussion of lack of communication above, but now I’ve moved onto the ‘Pink Moon’ album……

he sings of the Pink Moon, but there’s a lovely bright white full moon out tonight. if Nick can’t do it, then I’m moving onto Chet Baker, and I’ll just have to take myself back to Montreal december ’95 and that absolutely yummy late afternoon/early evening nap I had in Evan’s 90 degree apartment while it consistently snowed outside for hours. falling asleep to Jeremy’s new Chet cd and reveling in how warm the building-controlled heat was.

I think that was the best sleep I’ve ever had………

sometimes a thinking mind just can not rest no matter how hard it tries.

‘…..you take it on faith, you take it to the heart, the waiting is the hardest part….’

‘…i guess I remembered it wrong…’

‘…oh no I’ve said too much, I haven’t said enough….’ (this whole damn song is my inner demons haunting me)

‘…..one step up, and two steps back…’

‘….proceed with caution from here on in….’

that’s just in a given moment, but very much par for the course lately. who the hell am I kidding? these few phrases pretty much sum up my life.

most of my day has been spent listening to:

The Clash- London Calling

and

Cheap Trick- the authorized greatest hits

I was barely in kindergarten when this music was released intially…..I’ve been told I was born an old soul.

now I’m worried because I swore I had some Badfinger on CD and I can’t find any Badfinger at all.

sometimes I wish humans could hibernate. even though it’s been relatively mild the past few days/nights, I’m already wanting to simply wrap myself up in the electric blanket and sleep until spring.

winter makes me grumpy.

it may just be the winter of disconnect…..